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Category Archives: Jokes
Two Swiss lawyers were sitting in a restaurant, talking shop. One of them called across to the waiter and asked: “Does anyone here have a copy of the Swiss Criminal code by any chance?” The owner immediately went up to … Continue reading
The Director arrives at his office an hour late. In the lift he bumps into one of his staff, and observes: “Late again!” The employee answers: “I’m sorry to say, so am I.”
A reporter asked a football trainer: “How can your team manage to win every match?” “I don’t understand it, either. What’s more, before every game I bet the referee five thousand pounds that we’ll lose.”
She: “Why do you want me to hold your earlobes when we kiss? He: “I once lost my wallet while kissing!”
A sports journalist was reading the results on Television. In one report he suddenly started to stutter as he read off what it said in his manuscript: “O…O…O…O…O…” In agitation the producer whispered: “Do go on, they’re only the Olympic … Continue reading
A guest shouted at the waiter: “Do you call this strong coffee?” “Certainly, sir. You’ve only taken one sip and you’re already shouting!”
A drunk was trying to open a lamp-post with his latch-key. In passing, a policeman muttered: “It’s unlikely that there’ll be anyone at home.” “Of course, there is,” the drunk replied, there’s a light on upstairs.
A boxer’s wife is awakened in the middle of the night. She can just make out a burglar in the darkness. She prods her husband and whispers: “Wake up, Joe, someone wants a private training session!”
“Tell me, how many beers do you down during the course of a day?” “Between ten and twenty.” “Goodness, I couldn’t even drink that much water.” “Nor could I!”
Thommy explained to his teacher: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve only managed twenty lines of ‘I must keep quiet’. My pen squeaked so much while I was writing that my father shouted, ‘can’t you keep quiet?’